Thursday, August 14, 2008

An American Half-Time Speech


You are down by 9.5 trillion points (which, ironically, is the same amount as the 2008 national debt).

It's going to take a miracle to overcome this in the second half, but why stop believing now. One thing is for sure, God wants us to work for this. It's time to work.

You've lost your strong production base. Your agrarian economy is overspecialized and weak against a dynamically changing defense. The cost of your energy is skyrocketing, yet your wages have mostly fallen or remained flat. You can't think more than a week in advance. And you are eating shit for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

No wonder you suck.

You've also tied your offensive weapons up on the sidelines, and they are tired. How do you expect to keep up with the big dogs again?

Oh, and if I have to hear one more whiney story about overcrowded prisons, underfunded teachers and law enforcement, or the energy crisis, I'm going to PUKE! If you cry to me one more time about the cost of your healthcare, or the cost of your food, or your god-damned children that kill themselves to get high on your fucking pills, or the Mexican mafia that grows marijuana in the national parks, I'm going to retire. You lemmings can run right off the cliff without me.

(and I'll join the mexicans...)

So, America, the second half is in your hands.

You've got to make many changes, about the way you think, and about the way you act.

Now, stop being afraid of those things you don't know. Learn, and adapt. Then, you will win.

Get out there and show the remaining fans what you're made of...

or, you might as well leave the stadium.

Which is it?

are you a sucka, or a winna?

(cue: THEME from "RUDY")


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