Friday, September 19, 2008

everything I needed to know about morality I learned by being an American

10. Life begins at conception when it is the most innocent. Once life is born, it isn't worth much unless it works hard and follows the law. If life does not do what we say, then we can kill it.

9. murder is wrong, but killing thousands of people with high tech killing machines is just a political consequence of moral authority.

8. Terrorism does NOT include Mutually Assured Destruction or the threat of nuclear holocaust.

7. Jews are not as bad as Muslims, although the Christians are the dirtiest bastards of them all.

6. I have the right to own a small firearm precisely tuned to kill another person at a close distance, but I can NOT own certain types of plants. That would be too dangerous.

5. A college degree is less important than being an actor, or a professional athlete. The most important thing is to get lucky in business.

4. Everyone must pay to learn. If you don't pay to learn, and fail to get your receipt, then no one will know if you actually learned anything or not.

3. Being poor is just being lazy. If you are poor, you deserve it. Go buy an education... oh wait , you have no money... hahahaha!

2. It's just a grim reality that to gain something we have to screw someone else over. It's just the only way to live (and don't bother looking for a better way, there is none. trust us).

1. The sick, the physically disabled, the mentally ill, the dying... they all owe it to the medical system to pay the bills for all the pills. And if they try to get their medicine from demon plants that God made by mistake, then they deserve to lose access to our for profit pills and rot in prison.

0. Lying is wrong, unless you're in politics... then you can get away with it.


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