Saturday, July 17, 2004

to Lighten the Mood

these are a few recent jokes posted by "scatamousche" on the Karma Lab forum. You can click the link above to view MANY others. Have fun!

.. There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the supermarket. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man insisted he only needed half a head. The boy agreed to ask his manager about the matter.
The boy walked into the back room and said: "Hey, boss, there's some idiot out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce." Suddenly, the boy turns to find the man standing right behind him. He quickly added: "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half." The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way.
Later, the manager called on the boy and said: "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier. I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out trouble. You think on your feet and we like that around here." The manager continued: "Where are you from son?"
The boy replied: "Canada sir."
"Oh, really? Why did you leave Canada?" asked the manager.
"They're all just whores and hockey players up there!" said the boy.
"My wife is from Canada!" exclaimed the manager.


"Oh, really!" said the boy. "Which team did she play for?"

(posted by scatamousche)


An American outlaw rides across the border into Mexico and robs a train,
taking several thousand dollars worth of gold. The Mexican police capture
the man and they're sure he's the train robber. But, they don't speak
English. So, they send a man to town to find an interpreter.

The interpreter shows up at the jail and the questioning begins:

Police Chief: We know you took the money and we want to know where it is
right now!

Interpreter: We know you took the money and we want to know where it is
right now!

Train robber: I don't know anything about any money.

Interpreter: I don't know anything about any money.

Police Chief: You see this gun against your head? Well, you have one minute
to tell me where the money is or I'll shoot. (Counting down from 60...)

Interpreter: You see this gun against your head? Well, you have one minute
to tell me where the money is or I'll shoot. And mister, I would listen to
him. I know the Chief and he's crazy!

Train robber: Okay! I'll tell you. Don't shoot! I hid the money in a cave
across from the big boulder on the edge of town.

Interpreter: Chief, he says go ahead and shoot. He will never tell you where
the money is.

(posted by scatamousche)


A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices
a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off
the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl is
wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and
her cat.
The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice
fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl says. The fire fighter looks a little closer and
notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's
testicles.
"Little Partner," the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to
run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I
think you could go faster."
The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I
wouldn't have a siren.

(posted by scatamousche)


on Exercise:

Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where she is.

The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

And last but not least: I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

(posted by scatamousche)




3 Comments:

Blogger oakleyses said...

michael kors outlet online sale, michael kors outlet, air max, gucci outlet, louboutin outlet, oakley sunglasses, cheap uggs, oakley sunglasses cheap, nike free, prada outlet, ugg outlet, tiffany and co, prada handbags, michael kors outlet, longchamp handbags, uggs, polo ralph lauren outlet, burberry outlet, polo ralph lauren, ugg boots clearance, nike shoes, cheap oakley sunglasses, replica watches, michael kors outlet, burberry outlet, rolex watches, chanel handbags, louis vuitton outlet, ray ban sunglasses, longchamp outlet, louboutin, tiffany and co, tory burch outlet, air max, louis vuitton handbags, michael kors outlet, longchamp handbags, louis vuitton outlet stores, louis vuitton outlet, louis vuitton, oakley sunglasses, ray ban sunglasses, uggs outlet, ray ban sunglasses, kate spade outlet, oakley sunglasses

8:14 PM  
Blogger oakleyses said...

ralph lauren, hollister, polo ralph lauren, nike tn, michael kors pas cher, michael kors outlet, north face, abercrombie and fitch, new balance pas cher, nike roshe run pas cher, converse pas cher, lululemon outlet online, sac longchamp pas cher, vanessa bruno, ray ban sunglasses, coach purses, sac guess, nike air max, sac burberry, michael kors uk, vans pas cher, nike roshe, mulberry, louboutin, michael kors, true religion outlet, kate spade handbags, north face, oakley pas cher, sac hermes, air max, longchamp, true religion jeans, ray ban pas cher, coach outlet store online, timberland, hollister, true religion outlet, air max pas cher, hogan outlet, coach outlet, replica handbags, air jordan, nike air force, nike blazer, true religion jeans, nike free, polo lacoste, air max, nike free pas cher

8:16 PM  
Blogger oakleyses said...

converse, abercrombie, louis vuitton, canada goose, toms shoes, sac lancel, pandora charms, ray ban, rolex watches, moncler, pandora jewelry, moncler outlet, moncler, canada goose uk, barbour, canada goose, swarovski, louis vuitton uk, ugg pas cher, thomas sabo, vans, juicy couture, barbour, ugg, coach outlet store online, canada goose, moncler, ugg boots, air max, sac louis vuitton, karen millen, gucci, ugg, moncler, ugg, moncler, canada goose jackets, canada goose outlet, canada goose, louis vuitton, sac louis vuitton, wedding dresses, canada goose, links of london, converse shoes, moncler, pandora charms, supra shoes, moncler, montre homme, pandora jewelry, hollister, swarovski crystal

8:21 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home