Monday, May 24, 2004

A Letter To the Terrorists

Well, I'm always talking about how important open communication is between two parties. I've always thought that once communication fails, insecurity and violence are not far behind. I see this happen everyday in my jungle. I like to watch the news. In light of current political conflict, I recently thought to my self, "What have I done to try to communicate with the terrorists?" The truth is, I haven't done anything...

So, at the risk of becoming a hypocrite, I've decided to write a letter to the terrorists. I hope that, maybe one day, one of the terrorists will read it. If you are a terrorist reading this, please listen to me. I am ready to listen to you.

Well, here goes!

Dear Terrorist,
I am writing in response to your call for help. In my news media, I can see that many of your people are dying. I am sorry. Many of my people are dying as well. In a way, I love my people, and I don't want to see them die this way anymore. I'm sure that you feel the same way about your people. That's why I am writing to you.
You see, we both love our families and friends. We both want to protect them from our enemies. In this way, we are the same. I would also suggest that we have MUCH more in common than we do in difference.
So, why do we continue to kill each other? I want to love those around me and live my life in peace. I'm certain that, deep down inside, you feel the same way. Why else would you fight the way you do? Please, listen to me. I want to listen to you. Together, perhaps we can persuade those around us to stop the needless fighting.
The decisions is ours to make.



Blogger sourmonkey said...

p.s.- I've sent this letter to Al Jazeera. I hope some there can forward it onward.

2:48 PM  
Blogger redhairblueface said...

Dear Gabe,
I am so happy that you sent us your letter. I think we might be missing each other on a few points though. In your letter you state that you do not wish to see your people die. You also state that I do not wish to see my people die. This is where you are confused. I DO want to see your people die and I DON'T care if my people die, either. This is why strapping bombs to ourselves is so convenient. We get to kill you with little to no real sacrifice. The lives of my friends and family are just that meaningless. That is why they are taught from an early age that suicide resulting in the deaths of "infidels" (this includes you Gabe) will yield more rewards in the afterlife than Muhammad would have ever dreamed possible. I fight because I am frustrated. I am frustrated that my 15th century lifestyle which degrades and incapacitates women is failing. I am frustrated that American soldiers do what they can to protect their own and the lives of innocent bystanders while I fire at them from afar. I am most frustrated at the fact that most Americans see my views as dangerous and support my extinction, instead of living in a state of complacency where I can attack easily. So, I'm sure that you are just as frustrated as I am. Perhaps we do have a lot in common. We are both frustrated primates. The difference between us is, you are evolved to a state of peaceful co-existence with those around you whom you disagree with while I still get the urge to whip out the old machete and do some beheading when I see a man from your imperialist nation trying to go home. If I see you in person, I will have to fight the urge to kill you, in a very real, literal sense. Do we have a lot in common? Perhaps, but I doubt it.
Your average terrorist.

11:28 PM  
Blogger sourmonkey said...

Dear "average terrorist,"

Thank you for responding. Once again, we have much in common. My people would like to see your people die. My people don't strap on bombs, they strap on assault rifles/ Apache helicopters/ F-15 Eagles, and they LOVE to push tiny red buttons which propell large ballistic missles at your "hard" targets. We ALSO get to kill you with little or no "real" sacrifice (roughly 800 U.S. deaths, as opposed to the over 10,000 Iraqi civilian and combatant deaths). "REAL" is in quotations because the sacrifice is relative (er... literally). My people are also taught at an early age that violence is honorable, as long as you kill in the name of America. Actually, I could cut and paste you entire letter, and swap "your" people with "my" people all the way through, and there would really not be any difference... as long as "we" both use war to justify peace. So, thank you for seeing "eye to eye" on this one. Sorry that your conclusion is preceptively different... a word to those concerned, don't be fooled by perceptive differences, it is only a mind trick. A human is a human is a human regardless of cultural ideology. Violence feeds violence. Turn the other cheek.

1:07 AM  
Blogger sourmonkey said...

P.S.- I should add that it also appears "we" don't care if "our" people die... we send them to a needless war in the first place. So, Mr Average Terrorist, we ARE practically the same. Need proof? Let's map our genes, and compare the differences... we are over 99% IDENTICLE. WOW!

1:11 AM  
Blogger redhairblueface said...

Dear Gabe,
While your people would love to see my people die, my people are not innocent civilians. Don't get confused. We are a terrorist organization that has declared war against your country and your way of life. The 800 U.S. deaths you speak of were soldiers who did not kill themselves and innocent Iraqis by blowing themselves up. They were protecting their nation and the Iraqi nation from us while trying to rebuild what they broke smoking us out of our holes. There is another huge difference between you and your nation and me and my nation. It is the policy of your nation to not kill civilians if possible. They aren't targets to you. For us, they are a completely valid target. We don't care if it is a baby, an old woman, or some kid on a bike. They are a target. So while my DNA might be 99% the same as yours, it is also 98% the same as a sewer rat. So, take care Gabe. Till next timeā€¦
Your average terrorist.
P.S. I just heard a great new band called Sourmonkey. You might like them. I saw them on some Baylor infidel's blog.

2:12 PM  
Blogger sourmonkey said...

dear average terrorist,
your DNA might be 98% identicle to that of a rat, but you might want to recheck you gene map. you are 98.5% genetically identicle to a binobo chimpanzee. "our" behavior reflects this. you seem concerned about defending the American way of life. I have no problem with this, although I would suggest that a better way to preserve the American way of life would be to bring home American troops, fund American schools with money that would otherwise go to American war, and make industrial adjustments which would remove our addiction to oil and secure, as much as possible, the environmental integrity which makes human society possible.

Any "huge" difference between your society and mine our merely superficial. we jave MUCH more in common than you would like to admit. we both need environmental stability, we both want the "freedom" of ideological belief, and we both use violence to impose our will on our enemies.

violence is wrong... period.

3:36 PM  
Blogger sourmonkey said...

By the way, do some research. find out how many women and children died due to our "shock and awe" military campaign. The amount is greater than thenumber of those who died on 9/11. Americans officially don't count these bodies, they are "incidentals". Americans don't seem to care about this. In this way, "we" are no more different than "you", mr average terrorist. people are dying NEEDLESSLY on both sides because both sides promote violence at any cost. this is evil.

4:05 PM  
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