The Return of the Shaman

Welcome to the Modern World. Population: unknown.

You're entire life is dependent upon plants, although you'll rarely consider this.

You will burn the liquified and distilled plant remains of ecosystems long lost in your car as you drive thirty minutes to work today to sit in a concrete structure that required the slaughter of yet another ecosystem to construct.

You will be stressed trying to keep up with the demands of the Modern World, and your under-educated, student loan strapped doctors will give you for-profit medicines that won't cure you, but will keep you functioning in your stressful environment long enough for you to stay glued to the economy. These for-profit medicines originate in plants, most of them at least, but being that you are in the Modern World, you are most likely not aware of this, which is fortunate, because if you knew that the origin of your meds were in forests that are being bulldozed to build more stress-inducing concrete structures, well that just might push you over the edge.

Your government will lie to you to maintain the status quo, even if these lies undermine the very fabric of the social contract that shapes the Modern World. Don't worry, you'll get so dizzy from keeping up with all the lies that you will be unable to discern fact from fiction. Ignorance is bliss.

You will live in dead structures, but you may one day have the bright idea to build a living plant garden on your property. The time spent trying to learn the necessary knowledge for successful plant cultivation will interfere with your desire to watch REALITY TV and drink Starbucks. This will further frustrate you, but keep at the gardening, a living environment is healthier than a dead one.

You will be forced to pay to learn (in more concrete structures). If you don't pay to learn, you don't get the piece of paper that says you paid to learn, and no one will give you an honest wage. you will be forced to live paycheck to paycheck, even if you like learning for free. Unfortunately, due to monetary actions on the part of the Modern World, your wage will fall, as will the value of the money you work for. at the same time, the bills you pay on your home mortgage and that edumacated paper loan will increase, and you will be forced to work a second job that doesn't pay an honest wage, which only means you spend less time learning for free.

In this Modern World, you will be a slave.

That's why, it's time for the Return of the Shaman.

Operation: Trojan Horse

The last few days have been exciting.

I've called two Senators, two Congressmen, my county District Attorney, my county Sheriff, the FDA, and the DEA to ask why the government is lying to the American people about medical marijuana. Here are my results:

U.S. Congressman JOHN CARTER - I spoke with the public affairs rep and asked him why the government was lying to its citizens about medical marijuana. I explained to him that I am an ethnobotanist and that I study medicinal plants. I told him that certain members of my family have illnesses that are treatable with cannabis sativa, and that this plant has been used as a medicine since humans first cultivated it eight thousand years ago. I then told him of my plans to grow it, so that my family might use this medicine instead of going into debt to receive "modern medicine" that has generally failed to alleviate their suffering. I asked the Rep if he understood why this was important. "Yes" he replied. I could tell by the tone of his voice that he understood.

U.S. Senator Kay Bailey-Hutchison- I explained my question to the first phone Rep that picked up, and after hearing it, she replied, "That is a big question". She then transferred me to someone that worked closer to the Senator. He heard my question, and advised that I leave this comment on her voicemail comment line. So, after speaking with two phone Reps about my concerns, I was finally transferred to a voice mail comment line, in which I clearly explained my question. I have yet to hear back.

Texas Congressman Dan Gattis - I don't really like this guy to begin with, so my comment on his voicemail wasn't the nicest one, but it was direct, to the point, and hopefully, capable of catching his attention. I might have to try again later...

Texas Senator Steve Ogden - another voicemail comment in which I explained that I was an ethnobotanist studying medicinal plants and I wanted to know why the government is lying about medical marijuana. This time, I included the potential benefits of legalizing the plant, such as allowing farmers to grow non-food stock biofuel crops, improving the productive capacities of our economy, and reducing the demands on law enforcement and the judicial system. I have yet to hear back,

Texas Governor Rick Perry - well, this guy is just a slick corporate-lobby-lover anyway, so my comment on his voicemail was not all that nice. In a semantic sense, my comment to him was the equal of a poop fight in a monkey cage.

the DEA - this was the fun phone call. A Public Affairs operator was the first to receive my call. I asked her the question, and she quickly stated that she refuted my claims (FINALLY, we're getting somewhere). I informed her that her data was corrupt, unreasonable, and non scientific. She stated that I needed to bring that claim to the FDA, which apparently provides the scientific data that structures the policies of the DEA (the FDA does this, makes you feel much better now, doesn't it). I told her that I would contact the FDA about this, but first, I implored her to raise my initial question to her surpervisor, and while she was at it, to contact her representatives and ask the same question. I informed her that her department was losing integrity and legitimacy because they were enforcing flawed policies. At this point, she began speaking over me, apparently because she wasn't in the mood to have her cage rattled by the truth. When she realized that I was in control of the conversation, she hung up...

but it gets better...

I promptly called back. This time, a DEA supervisor answered my call (he had been waiting for me, I guess). I asked him the same question. He avoided my question and tried to scare me. Well, let's just say that I told him to take notes (which he said he did "copiously"), and then I informed him that his department was losing integrity because it was lying to the people it served. He didn't like this, and tried to scare me by implying that he was coming after me... I told him to do some research, and I hung up.

you can't make brownies without breaking some eggs. No offense, Mr. DEA, whoever you are. You are just on the wrong side of an endangered social contract.

the FDA - after wading through a painfully long automated phone system, I finally reached a voicemail where I could leave my question. Hmm... the wall is REALLY dense here.

The White House - another voicemail. our government really likes voicemail, but I have to wonder if they are really listening.. (Pssh, of course they're not!)

my county Sheriff - I called his office, and explained that I was an ethnobotanist studying medicinal plants, and I wanted to know why the government was lying to us about medical marijuana. The phone operator there politely suggested that I call the county District Attorney. i thanked him, and hung up. He handled the question nicely, although he gave me yet another "i don't know".

my District Attorney - another voicemail message. I don't know if the D.A. got my message, but I haven't heard from anyone yet, so I guess not...

well, this was a great exercise in probing the WALL OF LIES.

Now, what I need is a Trojan Horse...

Why is the government lying to us about Medical Marijuana?

Don't know, but I've called my state and federal representatives asking this same question, and gotten "I don't know(s)" across the board.

I've also called the DEA (I managed to piss off an officer there), and the FDA with no luck their either. I even called the local sheriff's office and country district attorney, and still, no answers.

it seems to me that what we have here is a situation wherein government employees are operating "the status quo" without any real insight into why the status quo exists in the first place.

well, I'm going to keep confronting my government with this question.

sooner or later, i'm going to get some answers.

stupid americans

when I say Americans are stupid, this is why:

cnn
U.N. expert: Food crisis 'a silent tsunami'

Those battling global warming by promoting biofuels may unintentionally be adding to skyrocketing world food prices, creating what one expert calls "a silent tsunami" in developing nations.

The rising prices are "threatening to plunge more than 100 million people on every continent into hunger," Josette Sheeran, executive director of the United Nations' World Food Program, said on the agency's Web site Tuesday.

Producing fuel from plant crops is supposed to be greener than drilling for oil, and biofuels generally burn cleaner, too. But the global biofuels industry now stands accused of a list of side effects that are said to be damaging lives, especially of the world's poorest people.

if you still don't know why I'm calling Americans stupid because of this, then you're stupid too.

open up a book or two and read about your own god damned history for change,..

then, maybe, just maybe, we might be able to reduce the number of people suffering on this planet.

ipod notes

I bleed it out
dig in deeper
just to throw it away.

I bleed it out
dig in deeper
just to throw it away.

I bleed it out
dig in deeper
just to throw it away.

just to throw it away. just to throw it away.

I'll make you face this now.

-L.P.

Birthday Promise

it's my birthday, so it's a great day to set a life goal for myself.

one day, I'm going to go to Africa to show impoverished people there how to grow their own food, medicine, fuel, and how to rehabilitate poor soil... with one plant.

in the meantime, I'm perfecting my techniques in the U.S. I've decided to not teach Americans how to do this, because Americans are too stupid to learn this technique.

the technique requires a mastery of cannabis cultivation, and being that cannabis is illegal in the U.S., and Americans are too stupid to change this, I'm mastering my technique here (in the U.S.), and then I'll be moving to Africa to help the people there.

well, i should say that I'm not keeping this a total secret. I'll let Americans struggle with healthcare, energy independence, poor farmlands, overcrowded prisons, and the rising costs of food staples like corn resulting food used as biofuel. you see, all of these problems and more can be fixed by legalizing one plant, but it seems that is not going to happen soon, again, because Americans are STUPID. if you want to ask me what I've learned, I'll happily tell you. if you want to arrest me for growing a plant, then fuck you.

oh, and if you are in law enforcement, and you wanna track me down to arrest me for growing an illegal plant... go ahead, I've got a present for ya waiting at my home. it's called THE TRUTH, and it's pissed off at being ignored.

4.20.08

Congress doesn't have the right to censor the free market economy.

Congress doesn't have the right to prohibit the use of one of humanity's oldest medicinal plants.

Congress doesn't have the right to prohibit the cultivation and processing of one of humanity's most important botanical fibers.

Congress doesn't have the right to prohibit the processing, distribution, and consumption of one of nature's finest seed oils.

Congress doesn't have the right to ban a plant with over twenty five thousand known industrial uses.

Congress doesn't have these rights. Natural rights are reserved for the People, who, with these rights, are better equipped to act with responsibility and within reason. For government, by it's very nature, is far too massive and homogenous to fully and reasonably adapt with the rapid developments of cultural and scientific process.

The American Way is one of liberty, independence, ingenuity, reason, and progress.

Banning plants is just plain stupid.

It's time to ban bad government...
maybe then, progress will happen again.

Dear Yuppies,

Don't walk into a plant nursery fifteen minutes before the store opens with Starbucks in hand ready to hunt for landscape plants like you're in a marathon. If you're going to have a bad attitude, then just don't drink the coffee, that just makes things worse.

Don't call into the local talk radio station to complain about politicians who do nothing about traffic while you're sitting by yourself in your fancy new SUV stuck in traffic with all the other yuppies in SUVs and european luxury cars driving by themselves. And don't complain about tobacco smoke in bars when the fumes your gas chugger is spewing out while it is stuck in traffic are far worse.

Don't set your sprinkler system to water your lawn during the rain storms. And write your local representatives in government demanding that municipal offices do the same. Some of us need to drink that water. Some of us don't like to buy vitamin and caffeine enhanced bottled water with fruity flavors.

Don't return two hundred dollars worth of plants because Home Depot was cheaper, and then beg for me to walk your through our sales floor telling you all about the plants that you will later buy at Home Depot because they are cheaper. Next time this happens, I'm charging you a two hundred dollar service fee for thinking for you. Knowledge ain't cheap.

In fact, next time you are confronted by a problem, don't ask someone to think it out for you. You are a highly paid, highly valued worker ant in our American capitalist economy. It would do you best, in the competitive sense, to exercise that brain matter a little more.

And try taking time away from the gym to read a book once in a while, or even raise your children. You'll thank me for it in thirty years, that is, if you don't destroy our culture first.

God bless,

sincerely,

sourmonkey